I'm still a little embarrassed to admit this.
But, the sting is part of the healing.
Prior to this journey, there would have been no factual scenario in which I could have ever imagined myself as a friggin' doormat.
My parents would tell you that from birth I was, shall we say, "willful."
My friends would tell you, I'm their "ride or die."
My husband would tell you he hated watching me in the courtroom--the level of steely ferocity wigged him out...and he's a gladiator himself!
Yet, for years on this journey, I allowed myself to be a doormat.
I was bullied.
I was shamed.
I was disrespected.
I was silenced.
I even allowed myself to be utterly dismissed by a physician, even though I had a high fever and signs of a post procedure infection, because "they" knew better.
So much for the badass, empowered woman, right?
I had never felt more helpless in my life.
This journey exposed gaps in myself esteem I had no idea even existed.
It scratched away the thin scabs I had placed over old wounds.
It shoved my face into an acrid mud pie of vulnerability I spent most of my life trying to avoid.
For a long time I was just pissed off, wallowing in self-pity.
I quietly blamed everyone for how I felt.
Doctors, friends, family members, and at times my husband.
THEY didn't "get" me, respect me, listen to me, or love me enough.
That's the story I told myself.
It gave me a quick, cheap, rush of self-righteous victimhood, but when that was over, things just went right back to sucking.
A coach came into my life and gave me the swift, loving kick to the head I needed.
I started asking better questions, like, "Am I really available for this bullshit?"
I quickly realized, the common denominator in this mess was ME.
How could I possibly expect people to give me what I wanted when I would NOT giveit to myself?
No one will give you what you won't give yourself.
If you want love, respect, trust, and support from others, give it to yourself first.
No one was forcing me to be a doormat.
I was choosing that level of disrespect and irrelevance for myself.
Own your part.
Then, train people how to treat you.
It's what successful women do.
My ladies aren't doormats.
They take responsibility for how they feel, so with confident expectation, they train people how to treat them, which is why they absolutely triumph--and if they slip, they know exactly where to get a loving kick to the head.
Decide you will be one of them.
Change your mindset, change your results.
Intrigued? Here's an exercise to take this to the next level...
Tired of feeling like doormat? Do this instead.
Get brutally honest about where you are abandoning YOU.
Where are you not "being there" for YOU?
This isn't about making yourself feel bad--it is about mobilizing your resources so you can quit that shit. This is figure-out-able!
- Make a list of areas in your life where you'd like to up your pimp game--when it comes to how you treat yourself.
- Pick the one that matters most to you TODAY.
- Decide to take one action--even if it's teeny tiny, in furtherance of upping your game in that area.
- Change is incremental, so focus on something that's doable TODAY.
Stretch yourself! It's about progress, not perfection.