EP105 Boundaries: Set Them Wisely

Setting boundaries wisely has very little to do with “other” people. Learn the truth about where smart boundary setting truly starts and WHY if you don’t start “there,” your efforts will be in vain. If you struggle with boundaries, THIS is probably why…

Transcript:
Hey Gorgeous, if you want success on your fertility journey, you’ve got to have the mindset for it. It’s time to kick fear, negativity, doubt, shame, jealousy, and the whole clown car of low vibe fertility journey BS to the curb. I’m your host, Roseanne Austin, Fertility Mindset Master. Former prosecutor and recovering type A control freak perfectionist.

I use the power of mindset to get pregnant naturally and have my baby boy at 43, despite years of fertility treatment failure. I help women across the globe beat the odds on their fertility journey, just like I did. Get ready for a quick hit of confidence, joy, feminine badassery, and loads of hell yes for your fertility journey.

It’s time to get fearless baby, fearlessly fertile. Let’s do this. Welcome to the Fearlessly Fertile podcast, episode 105. Boundaries. Set them wisely. Hey loves, welcome to part two in this three part series on boundaries. We are going to talk about setting boundaries wisely. Interestingly enough, that has more to do with you than it does other people.

Most of the time we get that shit backwards. That is a mistake we make when we don’t own the role we play in the creation of the circumstances in our lives. I get it. I get it. It’s a hell of a lot more comfortable to blame other people for our shit than to come face to face with our shortcomings. That is what women who win do.

That’s what they do. They face shit. Well, they don’t just face shit, they face it and they do something about it. Like it or not, if people are not acting right in your life, You had a role in that. Now, is that something to feel sorry for yourself about or get mad at me over because I love you enough to point that out?

No. What the hell does either of those things do to move you forward? Not a fucking thing. If you are smart, you will receive this loving nudge with humility, own your role like a big girl, and ask a simple but wildly intelligent question. What needs to happen for me to break this shitty pattern? Put another way, what do you need to believe about you in order to set a particular boundary?

This question should not knock you on your ass, because we started to explore this idea last week in episode one. This week, we are refining the inquiry a bit more and getting to the heart of it. Why? Because wise boundaries are informed boundaries. Informed by what’s true for you. What you desire and what’s in your heart.

Wise boundaries are a reflection of our personal, individual values. Our boundaries are not about groupthink. Remember, as a grown woman, you have the ability to evaluate your boundaries and decide if they actually work for you. And you want to be real careful here, particularly when you’re asking the question about whether or not your current set of boundaries are actually working for you.

It’s real easy for your saboteurs to slide in and give you some silver tongue bullshit to make you think that they’re working. Chances are if you were sick and tired in your life, they ain’t working girl. They ain’t working. Now that doesn’t mean boundaries are arbitrary and capricious. They are put in place because they actually matter to you.

If you find yourself flying off the handle over seemingly innocuous shit, I’m willing to bet that there is a boundary of yours that has gotten trampled upon so much that mama’s patience has worn thin. But the problem is, she doesn’t think she’ll be loved if she enforces it. Take note of that. Wise boundaries are about trusting yourself.

Let me repeat that wise boundaries are about trusting yourself, believing that the instinct that screams out when your partner is letting you down again is fucking valid, believing the part of you who is sick and tired of people treating you like you’re a pitiful wreck. Is fucking valid. Believing the part of you that isn’t going to tolerate being treated like a statistic is fucking valid.

Believing the part of you who makes investments in herself and this journey, regardless of whether someone else thinks it’s foolish, is fucking valid. Believing the part of you who isn’t going to take a provider blowing off your desires with just use a donor egg or surrogate When the evidence doesn’t support it, and neither do you, is fucking valid.

Believing the part of you who believes that the desire in her heart to be a mom is there because it was meant for her is fucking valid. Can you see why setting boundaries has more to do with you than it does other people? Indeed, we’ll get to the other people part in the third episode in this series.

But. You won’t get past other people if you can’t get right with you. Whoa, wait, anyone else smell that? That’s the sweet smell of a truth bomb right there, baby. Truth bomb. What you believe about you is everything. Because if you don’t think much of yourself, or you believe made up shit about boundaries that someone else hands to you, you won’t set them.

You won’t set them. And just take note, anyone who’s like anti boundaries, you gotta, you gotta check those people. You gotta, you gotta be sure you want somebody like that in your life. Someone who doesn’t fucking respect your boundaries doesn’t belong in your life. We’ll get into more of that, but I just had to rant for a second.

Boundaries are excellent for everyone, and beware of anyone who makes you feel bad for having them or wants you to only consider their feelings in that equation. And look, you gotta ask yourself, if you don’t set good boundaries, how can you wisely form your bump squad and help set all of you up for success?

Wise boundaries are those you actually believe in and enforce. That is a hell of a lot easier when you have done the work on you to know that not only are they real for you, but they are valid and therefore to be valued. Notice that in our discussion here, determining your boundaries doesn’t include asking what other people will tolerate.

And that is not an oversight. That’s fucking intentional. When it comes to setting boundaries, it begins and ends with you. It is deeply personal for sure. You will want to check yourself before you wreck yourself when it comes to interpreting other people’s behavior. Or the meaning you give certain behaviors of the people in your life.

So you know you are working with whole truth when you consider setting or leveling up your boundaries. But asking for someone’s permission to have a boundary or sizing up a boundary in terms of what you think you can get from them is not what a woman who wins does. And don’t play coy here. You want to win on this journey, and you deserve to be unapologetic about it.

Set your boundaries wisely, mama. Here’s an exercise to take what I’ve taught you here to the next level. Set a boundary. Step one, name a boundary that you want to set. Two, who does that boundary need to be set with? And notice all the stories that come up or images that show up in your mind as you consider taking this leap.

Third, set the fucking boundary. I have shared what needs to happen when it comes to setting a boundary. But the reality is, if your mindset isn’t set up for success, you won’t do even the most obvious things that will help you clear the blocks between you and your baby. And that’s just a fact. Your thoughts and beliefs will determine if you will do step three in the exercise I just gave you.

Because without a mindset for success on this journey, chances are you won’t. Or if you do, you’ll only do it halfway. Finding yourself in the same place a few weeks from now. You don’t half ass shit at work. Why on earth would you half ass things in preparation for the most important job you’ll ever have?

Mom, part of being an amazing mom is being able to set boundaries that are good for her and her family. You may as well get good at it now. Don’t let poor boundaries stand between you and your baby. Thoughts, beliefs, actions, results. You can’t get around it. This is why working on you can make all the difference in the world.

It’s incredible what can happen for you when you start thinking like a success on this journey. My Fearlessly Fertile Method program is for women who intend to get pregnant in the next 12 months and say, Hell yes! To covering their bases, mind and body. So you don’t have to look back on this time in your life with regret.

I work with women who are committed to success. To apply for your interview for this program, go to my website, www.FromMaybeToBaby.com and apply for an interview there. My methodology has helped women around the world. Make their mom dreams come true. Their results. You listen to this podcast, speak for themselves.

If you don’t have a mindset for success on this journey, baby, you got a gaping hole in your strategy. Let’s fix that shit and set you up for success. This is about you. This is about your family. Till next time, change your mindset, change your results. Love this episode of the Fearlessly Fertile podcast?

Subscribe now and leave an awesome review. Remember, the desire in your heart to be a mom is there because it was meant for you. When it comes to your dreams, keep saying hell yes.

Rosanne offers a variety of programs to help you on your fertility journey — from Self-study, to Live, to Private Coaching.