EP201 Are You Really Ready? The Dream v. Being Ready to Receive It.

It’s one thing to desire this baby, it’s something entirely different to be ready to receive them. In this quick hit episode, I’m going to help you move past day dreaming and into actually being ready to receive your baby. When you understand the difference, it’s mind blowing. You’ll thank me later.

Hey Gorgeous, if you want success on your fertility journey, you’ve got to have the mindset for it. It’s time to kick fear, negativity, doubt, shame, jealousy, and the whole clown car of low vibe fertility journey BS to the curb. I’m your host, Roseanne Austin, fertility mindset master, former prosecutor and recovering type A control freak perfectionist.

I use the power of mindset to get pregnant naturally and have my baby boy at 43. Despite years of fertility treatment failure, I help women across the globe beat the odds on their fertility journey just like I did. Get ready for a quick hit of confidence, joy, feminine badassery, and loads of hell. Yes.

For your fertility journey, it’s time to get fearless, baby fearlessly fertile. Let’s do this. Welcome to the Fearlessly Fertile Podcast, episode 201. Are you really the dream versus being ready? Hey loves, I’m so excited to be here with you this week as we begin a brand new year! Woohoo! I know part of you might be like, oh fuck, Roseanne, really?

I’m starting another year on this journey? Well, buck up sister, yes you are! You are looking downrange at 364 new days to make your dream come true. So, If your inner Grinch is still kicking and you want to feel sorry for yourself, just skip this episode because this episode is really going to be about helping you prepare for your outrageous success this year.

Now I know saying that you’re going to be a success this year might get your heebie jeebies going and your don’t count my eggs before they hatch superstition kicking, but here’s the deal. When you make a decision that you’re going to be successful, you have to be ready for it, right? This is kind of why some people fuck themselves over because they want to stay in the waiting game.

They feel safer waiting than going all in on fuck. Yeah, I’m going to make this happen. I’m so going to make this happen. I’m so ready. I’m not holding back anymore. And they just don’t want to pick a fucking side, right? They don’t want to be on the side of success. So This podcast episode is truly for the women that are like, you know what?

I really want to get serious about this. I want this to be my year. And so this is why approaching the subject of the dream versus being ready to receive it. I found that so important because The distinction is actually a really important one. It’s one thing to desire this baby. It’s something entirely different to be able to receive them though, because they represent two very different Mindsets, right?

Because there’s a, there’s a mindset of wanting, which really comes from a place of lack. When you, when you really do the, the math on that, you really feel into that. It’s about what isn’t here. When you are in a place of, yeah, you know what? I’m really ready to receive this baby. It feels completely different.

Like your attention is on something completely different. So let’s go back for a second when you’re focused 100 percent on what’s not here. My baby’s not here. Is this ever going to happen for me? I failed too many times. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You are in a distinct place of lack. And so I want to help you move that to being able to receive this baby because If you stay in a place of lack, it’s really hard for you to create a new set of circumstances because think about it, you’re creating from what you don’t have, as opposed to preparing for what is to come, and which is a very distinct aspect of being ready to receive it.

So let’s frame the question again. Let’s really look at this because we’re looking at the difference between You know, daydreaming about this baby and then being able to receive them truly. And even when you say that, you know, I’m dreaming of having this baby, it’s my dream to have this baby. I bet even when you say that, it feels different in your body than when you say, I am truly ready to receive.

This baby. Again, I want to emphasize the difference between the lack and the wanting and the kind of chasing energy versus I’m ready to receive this baby. There’s something innately. I’ll call it mature and and that’s not a judgment. It’s just there’s an emotional maturity that says I am ready. To receive this.

There’s a confidence. There’s a peace. There is a calm about that. That is decidedly different than when is my baby going to get here? Why does this have to take so long? Why do I have to suffer? Okay. And it’s also interesting because when we look at the positioning of the dream versus being able to receive it.

There’s a very different energy. There’s one that has a sense of victimhood associated with it. Like this journey is happening to you versus for you as opposed to, Hey, I’m ready to receive this baby. Just think about that. Just like if you just take a moment. And, and let that sit in your body. I think you may be surprised at the way those two things resonate in different ways.

I am ready to receive this baby. It has just a completely different quality to it. So how do you go from the place of just this wanting the dream? And being in a place where you are ready to receive it. And I want to underscore the fact that this is different for everyone. And some people are farther along in their personal growth to be ready to receive this baby.

And I’m not, I’m not saying here that there’s one yardstick that everyone has to be measured by, which is why I said what I said, you know, it’s different for everyone, but there is a tipping point. where you move as an individual from just wanting the thing to being ready to receive it. So one of the ways that I like to look at this is by asking questions.

So I’m going to pose a few questions to you here to help you begin. To work through it because it’s really important. And you know, a lot of people, I think one of the biggest mistakes that women make on this journey is they, they kind of think, well, I just want this baby and all of my problems are here because this baby is not here.

Right? So they look at it as the lack of the baby is creating the problem. Which is not the case. The problem existed before your baby not quote unquote being here is the problem. This all comes from a mindset. This all comes from a mentality that looks at life through the lens of things are happening to me and I am a victim.

It, it, it’s not a position of power. It’s, it’s a position that says, Oh, somebody is going to grant this thing to me. I have to be a certain way in order to have this thing. It is always you at a deficit. That’s the role of the dreamer in a, in a sense is you at a deficit. It’s about you not having the thing.

Okay. So when you’re looking to shift from being in that place of just the wanting and forever chasing and moving into the place where, look, I’m actually ready to receive this. I am ready to receive this baby. And this is actually true with all of the women that you’ve heard on this podcast. They all go through this, this shift and they describe it in different ways.

As an observer, I can see when the switch flips, and it’s truly a beautiful thing. So, when you are ready to receive it, you’re really starting to answer some of the questions that I’m going to pose here. So the first one is, are you being the woman that you actually want to be in this process of calling in your baby?

Now, let me preface that with, look, none of this is about perfection, okay? I’m not saying that you have to be a certain way to call this baby and it’s certainly not perfect because if perfection was required, my son wouldn’t be here and probably everyone you’ve ever heard on the podcast would say, well, they wouldn’t have their babies either.

So don’t get this twisted and be really mindful that you’re looking at these questions in a constructive way because that is the way that I’m giving them to you is in a constructive way. Is are you really being the woman you want to be? Right. And, and I have to admit, you know, when I was on my own journey and when I was wanting my son so badly, like so badly that it became a complete and utter distraction of my life, my life was completely focused on trying to conceive him.

It was so laden and lack and scarcity. It was, it’s vomitous. Truly when I think back on it, like I have a lot of compassion for that version of me, but it’s a place I don’t ever want to be in ever again. And frankly, I’ve done the work to make sure that I don’t ever go back there. And, and it is the essence of the, the out of control world is crashing down place that a lot of women on this journey find themselves because they don’t recognize that they’re in that place.

They don’t recognize that they are in a place where the desire is coming from a place of such extreme lack and scarcity that it begins to take over their lives and they begin to tell themselves that, you know. My life is going to be worth nothing if this baby doesn’t get here. So you have to go back and ask, Are you being the woman that you want to be?

And if the answer is no, there’s no shame in your game. But the awareness that you’re not being who you want to be is critical, okay? So when you’re looking to move from just being a dreamer, and being, you know, going from dreamer to being the woman that’s actually ready to receive this, this, Baby and this desire that she she holds in her heart.

You really have to ask Am I being the woman that I want to be? Not because perfection is required, but am I truly ready to receive this baby? The second thing I would encourage you to consider when you’re asking yourself, you know, am I just in dreamer mode, or am I actually ready to receive this baby? Is, is this the version?

Of momming that you choose to live by is this version of mom you is this the version of the mom you choose to be, or is this just what was modeled to you? So the reason why I pose that is I see a lot of women. That are quietly, unconsciously rejecting what they think motherhood is. And so they create a scenario where they say they want to be a mom, but the stories they tell themselves about momming, and perhaps the way they were mothered, are so horrific that it’s like driving with one foot on the gas and one foot on the brake.

So it’s a really important thing to be asking yourself. Now, I know there’s part of you that may be thinking, Rosanne, what the hell are you talking about? I, you know, I, I’m not conflicted here. You know, I, I know I want to be a mom. And like, and that’s good. Like rock on with your bad self. I’m totally happy for you.

But when you’re on this journey and things aren’t working out and you’re in a pattern that is not bringing you success, you’ve got to be willing to ask some of these questions. Because, as I said before, there’s a huge difference between wanting the thing and being ready to receive it. Okay? And I’m, I’m trying to help you unfuck that right now.

Now, there’s another nuance to this that I want to raise. Because, and I know some people are just going to flat out reject this, but hey, you know what? I have a bird’s eye view of, of what’s really going on in women’s heads. And it’s an important question to ask. Because I think it’s going to take some of the pressure off and I don’t want you to have any shame about your answer, but just really feel into this is some women are in a position in their lives where they are so unfulfilled in their work or in their profession or in their relationships where they think the baby is going to solve for them.

The problem, okay? Like, do you hate the way that you’re living so much that you’re looking to your baby as an excuse to take six months off? Like, I know that’s going to get under some people’s skin, but look, I’m going to love you enough to ask the question. And if I’m asking the question here, it’s because I’ve heard that shit.

And, again, there is no shame or judgment about this. Because I want you to be prepared for this baby. Two things. I want you to be successful on this journey. And two, I want you to be the happiest motherfucker you know when this baby gets here. Because a lot of people romanticize. What life is going to be like when their baby gets here.

What life is going to be like, what your relationship is going to be like, what work will be like. It’s so important that you be willing to ask these confronting questions so that you can get out of the dream and be ready to actually receive it. Okay? Let’s zero in on one part of it because look, you know, I think this is probably less about work wanting to escape your work, although I have heard that it is probably more about the state of your relationship.

And I’m not saying this is true for everyone, not at all. But there are certainly some women that are struggling in complicated relationships where the baby is kind of like, Hey, you know, this would really be awesome and this could really bring us together if we finally have this baby. Or they blame their journey for creating havoc in their relationship such that if the baby would just fucking get here, we’d all be out of this mess, right?

Which is, you know, they’re, they’re two sides of the same coin. Because there were problems existing in the relationship before this whole baby conversation started, and the baby’s just exacerbating that. So you want to take a look. Is your relationship where you want it to be? Again, I’m going to say it for the 75th fucking time.

None of what I’m raising here is to suggest that you have to be perfect. But look, the question that I posed at the very beginning of this episode is are you really ready? That’s the dream versus being ready to receive it. And again, I want you to be able to receive it. So you got to be willing to take a look at some of these things.

So really ask yourself, is my relationship where I want it to be? And if not, where could it be? It’s not like you have to dump your partner. You got to get a divorce or anything like that. You know, it’s, it’s not required. You just want to know. Hey, what’s the honest truth about where we’re at? And the other thing that I really encourage women to consider when deciding whether you’re, you’re, you’re in dream mode or versus whether you’re ready to receive it, is do you allow yourself to get the support you really want?

Like, will you get the support that you need when you finally have this baby, or is this just going to turn into another, you know, martyrdom Olympics for you? And I see a lot of women do that, especially when they’ve been trying to conceive for a really long time. Instead of getting the support they want, they’re going to say, Oh, well, you know, I’ve been trying so hard for this baby.

It’s been so many years. I can’t possibly get any support because I just want to do it all. And while I respect the idea of that and your commitment to your child, not having the kind of support in place, whether it’s family or if you’re bringing professionals into your family once your baby is born.

Not getting that help and not having that already decided in your head can create blocks for you, because if you’re already maxed out on your energy, let’s say you’re a physician, lawyer, teacher, nurse, engineer, scientist, I mean, the kind of women that I coach. You know, if you’re already maxed out on your time, and you’re quietly telling yourself, consciously or unconsciously, I don’t have time for a baby in my life, I’m so fucking tired.

How’s it working out for you, the idea of having a screaming infant at home? You may have a values conflict that’s quietly sabotaging you in the background because you don’t think it’s possible to have a baby, a career, and a relationship, and then you won’t get the support you need. So in working out these questions, you’re really taking yourself from a place of just being a fucking dreamer to being a woman who’s really ready to receive this thing that she says she wants, right?

Because if you look at the aggregate of these questions. We’re talking about you. Where are you in this? Like, are you being the woman that you want to be? What is the version of momming that you want to do? Are you just going to parrot what your mom did? Or are you consciously creating the kind of motherhood that you want to create and is a reflection of your values as an individual?

Like really having put some thought into it. Okay. You don’t wait till your baby is born to decide the kind of mom you want to be. Right? And, and trust me, I work with enough lovably type A control freaky professional women that have had issues with their mama, right? That’s just part and parcel. It tends to be a thing that really successful women probably are born to fairly strong women and they tend to butt heads and there are problems there.

So if you get in front of this and you ask yourself, Hey, what kind of mom do I want to be? Then you give yourself an opportunity to really be ready for this baby when this baby comes. Trust me, you’ll thank me later. And we also are talking about relationship. Like, what’s the state of your relationship and what are the real motives that you have, right?

I talked about work, like, are you just trying to escape from work? And you know, some of you may laugh at that, but it’s fucking true. It really is a situation sometimes where women find some, find themselves so trapped in their own lives that their baby is an escape. And hey, I’m not judging here. I’m not judging.

I’m just bringing awareness to this because it’s actually kind of a heartbreaking position to be in, and I don’t want you to be in that, so you want to recognize it if it’s, if it’s lurking in, in the back of your mind. So, and then the last one is really about, we’re truly talking about lack and scarcity, and we’re talking about abundance.

Are you allowing yourself to have the kind of support that you’re going to need once your baby is born? Or are you just going to allow yourself to be turned into a martyr and then end up resenting everyone in your life because of it? Including your baby, as horrific as that may sound, okay? So, And I really want to encourage you to play with these ideas because this journey, as you have heard me say it before, is fucking preparation.

And, you know, unlike women who sneeze and get pregnant, and I’ve got, you know, no shame on them, and certainly no judgment, but they’re just in a different position. So when it’s taking you some time to call your baby in, use the time fucking wisely, woman. Like, seriously. Use this time instead of allowing yourself to be trapped in fear, negativity, doubt, shame, jealousy, and all the other corrosive emotions that can come up on this journey, fucking prepare.

Don’t just be a dreamer. Be a woman who’s actually ready to receive this child. And when you ask these kinds of questions, And you do the work to prepare. There is a calm and confidence that comes as a result of that. It’s really interesting to watch. Because you know who you are and you know where you’re headed and you’ve confronted the phantoms and the specters that are lurking in the background that keep most people scared and not ready to receive.

Okay, conceiving is all about receiving, so I want to help you get to that place where you’re actually ready to receive. So just take some time and really consider the questions that I’m posing here and see how they resonate. And instead of just flat out rejecting them or being afraid of them, perhaps take them one at a time if that happens to be more palatable for you.

However, I would strongly encourage you to, to go through them systematically if you can. Just ask yourself these questions truly from a place of curiosity, not judgment or accusation. Take a stand for having the calm and the certainty and the confidence that comes from knowing. You’re truly ready to receive this baby and love.

If you are truly ready to go from dreamer to baby receiver, my fearlessly fertile method program is for women who intend to get pregnant in the next 12 months and say, hell yes. To covering their bases, mind and body. So you don’t have to look back on this time in your life with regret. I work with women who are committed to success.

To apply for an interview for this program, go to my website, www.FromMaybeToBaby.com and apply for an interview there. My methodologies help women around the world make their mom dreams come true. Their results speak for themselves. If you don’t have a mindset for success on this journey, baby, you got a gaping hole in your strategy.

Let’s fix that shit and set you up for success. Till next time, change your mindset, change your results. Love this episode of the Fearlessly Fertile podcast? Subscribe now and leave an awesome review. Remember, the desire in your heart to be a mom is there because it was meant for you. When it comes to your dreams, keep saying hell yes.

Rosanne offers a variety of programs to help you on your fertility journey — from Self-study, to Live, to Private Coaching.