EP85 Are WE the Reason I’m Not Getting Pregnant?

We spend so much time and energy preparing our body for pregnancy—but are we missing the critical foundation upon which our family is built? Whether you are partnered, married, or intending to be a single mom by choice, learn how the state of your most intimate relationship might be creating blocks to your baby. Eeek!

Hey gorgeous, if you want success on your fertility journey, you’ve got to have the mindset for it. It’s time to kick fear, negativity, doubt, shame, jealousy, and the whole clown car of low vibe fertility journey BS to the curb. I’m your host, Roseanne Austin, Fertility Mindset Master. Former prosecutor and recovering type A control freak perfectionist.

I use the power of mindset to get pregnant naturally and have my baby boy at 43, despite years of fertility treatment failure. I help women across the globe beat the odds on their fertility journey, just like I did. Get ready for a quick hit of confidence, joy, feminine badassery, and loads of hell yes for your fertility journey.

It’s time to get fearless baby, fearlessly fertile. Let’s do this. Welcome to the Fearlessly Fertile podcast, episode 85. Are we the reason I’m not getting pregnant? Hey mama, I am super excited to be here with you this week, particularly because we are going to be taking up a subject that is particularly close to my heart these days.

And I have a new book coming out about it. My love, we are talking about relationships, this journey, and the impact your relationship may be having on your path to fertility success. It’s all related, baby. Part of covering your bases, mind and body on this journey so you don’t look back on it with regret is getting your mind right about your relationship.

Your relationship is a critical aspect of your success. It is the foundation of the family you are trying to build. Why the fuck would you ever want to build a family that you are working so hard for on shaky ground? Or where the parents involved in that family aren’t actually on the same page? Now, I know that this may bring up some wildly uncomfortable shit.

But it’s time to put your big girl panties on, just like any other woman who has made her dreams come true. The worst thing we can do is ignore shit, because it makes us uncomfortable. All that does is put more pressure on the subject and cost us opportunities to nip it in the bud when it’s small. Then wait for that shit to metastasize until it’s inoperable stage four cancer in our relationship.

Then just sit back and watch it die. Bravery is a tough thing. Don’t get me wrong. Being brave about our relationships can take us to scary places. But here’s the deal. The truth will always, always, always, always catch up with you, like it or not. This is why I always tell women, letting your relationship wither away on this journey, hoping things will just get better when your baby comes is a total crock of shit.

It’s passive, lazy, and a losing strategy. So where do we begin with all this? Considering our relationships while we are on this journey. And well, let me be clear. I get how overwhelming this whole notion may feel at first. You might be thinking, shit, I’m trying to get pregnant, eat right. Take this growing gang of supplements.

Meditate till I levitate like a fucking monk. And I’ve got to look at my relationship on top of all that? Well, my love, my answer to that question is a big fat hell yes. Yes, doll. If you want to live the life you’ve always dreamed of, baby and all, you gotta do it. This is you taking a stand for more than just crumbs on this journey.

You get to have the whole goddamn cake. No one else is going to get it for you. So you got to do it. And let’s, so let’s go back to my previous thought. Where do we start with all of this? Well, it begins with you being honest about the state of your relationship in the context of this journey. Really honest, are the two of you on the same page about this baby?

This is a really easy question to blow off, especially if your expectations are low. There’s nothing like this journey, particularly to the untrained mind, to inspire one to lower their expectations. If you feel like you are drowning in failure, you might be too scared to demand prime rib when it feels like all the universe sends you is that pink meat sludge that some fast food chains have been accused of slinging.

We get such failure PTSD on this journey that we become afraid to desire shit. We tell ourselves, well, as long as we are still together, then things must be okay and we’re probably on the same page. I’ve heard women tell me, well, we get along and we aren’t really fighting. Aren’t fighting? That’s a fucking basic.

I’m asking you a deeper question, love. You got to move beyond this mediocre thinking that has you just scraping up the crumbs. Remember, as a woman who is living her life on purpose, a woman who was lovably type A, used to achieving in her life, you got to go for the whole goddamn cake. Like I said before, what I’m asking you is how are things between you?

Are the two of you on the same page about this baby? Are you both excited about this baby you are calling in? Are the two of you fully engaged on this journey? Has shit gone stale in your relationship? Does it feel like you two are just ships passing in the night? Are you having sex just for the sheer intimacy of it?

Or is your partner only getting sexy time when there’s an egg you might drop? Get honest about this. Now, there’s only not just one definition of, of what these things might look like. What I’m encouraging you to do is ask these questions and get clear about your own definitions. Like, and you know, you know how you feel about your relationship right now.

Do not overcomplicate this. You know, exactly. what you are feeling. So get honest about it. Some women have such low expectations when it comes to relationships that they just figure that if their partner seems to be playing along, all is fine on the front line. You got to do better than that, baby. And here’s why your inner mama bear knows.

Yes, doll. She knows that intuition inside of you that worries about whether your partner is all in is kicking because you’re in her mama bear. She knows something’s up. There’s something that she needs to see or hear and you got to trust your intuition here. And I know because so many women ask me about intuition on this journey, like here’s what you got to know about intuition.

We’ll do an entirely separate episode on intuition, but here’s the reader’s digest version of it. You know exactly what the answer is, but your quote unquote logic and reason, we’ll try to talk you out of the intuitive hits that are coming at you 24 seven. I don’t. I. It’s so funny. We bury our intuition with our fear, like, under, like, I don’t know, 20 feet deep of concrete, like we were trying to bury Jimmy Hoffa or some shit.

We do this crazy thing with our intuition that we make it so magical, but it is always there. And it’s always speaking to you, but it just might be inconvenient. And it might have you doing shit that doesn’t make any sense or is outside of the original plan you had, particularly for your relationship. So get this really clear.

Your intuition is not some magical otherworldly unattainable thing. It is in you right now. And frankly, while you’re listening to this, you’re probably getting intuitive hits left and right. So do not bury your intuition under your fear. We will get into that more later, but anytime some woman tells me, well, I can’t tap into my intuition.

Well, more often than not, you don’t like your intuition. You don’t like what your intuition is telling you. And I’m loving you enough to call you out on that shit right now. Your intuition is scary. Your intuition is, is telling you to break free of your, your comfort zone and telling you to stretch and expand because that’s what we’re intended to do as human beings is expand.

We expand and we grow or we die. So you’ve got to do the same thing in your relationship here. So check in with your intuition. What is your inner mama bear telling you about your relationship? Okay? Because the idea that you’re just gonna say, Hey, let me just focus on this baby, and when my baby gets here, things will get better.

Nope. Ain’t gonna work, sister. If you opt for that sort of low ball strategy, you are gambling with the foundation of your family. You really wanna do that? Didn’t think so. You are also presuming and presupposing that your partner is going to wait around to resolve your relationship issues after your baby gets here.

They may bounce way before that, way before that. And trying to resolve relationship issues with an infant crying in the background, not a recipe for success. Now, my loves, when your inner mama bear is worried that this baby you are calling in either won’t be safe, won’t be loved, or will be coming into a home where there is a great deal of uncertainty about those parenting this child.

Your inner mama bear may just say, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, she might just put up a big old roadblock saying, hell no, this is not what I had in mind for this child. The factory is closed. We are slowing down production until we are sure that we are bringing this child into a situation that is worthy of it. And this is key loves because your maternal instinct, whether you have a baby or not today.

Your maternal instinct is to protect this child. Your maternal instinct is strong, and it’s stronger than you think. Now, am I saying that your relationship is the root cause of you not getting and staying pregnant? Of course not. Of course not. There are a constellation of things that come together to bring your baby here.

But if you aren’t getting the result you want, you would be derelict in your duty to yourself and this child to Not at least consider this angle, a neglected or unsatisfying relationship certainly is not going to help things. And you know, that doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that out. Just like trying to have a baby to save your relationship is bullshit.

Demand and expect more than that. There may be even a saboteur within you saying, Well, I mean, I know plenty of people that have shitty relationships that get pregnant all the time. In fact, they can’t stop getting pregnant. Well, this fertility issue is not their particular cross to bear. That’s an apples and oranges argument.

That argument fails. We are looking strictly at What’s going on in your life? We don’t care if somebody has a shitty relationship, but can’t stop getting pregnant because all that tells you is getting pregnant. Isn’t there issue. Okay. And if you’re listening to this podcast, you’re trying to get on a path to fertility success.

So we have to make sure that you are covering your bases, mind and body, and looking at the constellation of things that could be coming together to set you up for success. So don’t take the lazy route and say, well, you know, this person now, we don’t care about what anyone else is doing. We care about what you are doing because your success is what matters.

Let other people live their lives. We are focusing on you. And if you are not getting the result you want, you got to look at this. Now, in case you’re one of my wonderful mamas opting for single motherhood by choice, Make sure you listen closely to this loves this applies to you too, except the relationship we’re talking about is that which you have with yourself.

You’ve got to love and respect yourself at an even higher level because you are doing something that your early programming might be telling you is weird or quote unquote wrong. Listen to the words that came out of my mouth, your early programming. I am a hundred percent down for a woman building a family on her term.

So it’s, I’m not judging you, but you might have some lingering saboteurs judging you. So instead of asking yourself about your relationship with another person, you SMBCs will want to ask yourself about your relationship with you. Are you on the same page with you? This is critical because if there is any part of you that is in conflict.

About you doing it on your own. You’re going to want to sort that out. My darling. See, I’m not leaving my SMBCs out of this convo because I love all of you. It is so critical that I’m raising this for everyone, whether you’re in a relationship or not, because ultimately that relationship is going to be the foundation of your family, whether you are doing it with a partner or doing it on your own, lovably.

Okay. Now, another reason why this is key, whether you’re in a relationship or not, is because your outer world is a reflection of your inner world. Let me say that again. This is critical to be looking at your relationship because your outer world. Is a reflection of your inner world. You can’t outperform your thoughts and beliefs on this journey, my darling.

You can’t, if you don’t believe to your core, regardless of your present circumstances or your past, that you can have what you want, you won’t get it. Your internal program will set you up to ignore the opportunities and the people that come your way to help. If your paradigm says you can’t have what you want, it’s sabotage, baby.

Sab o tage. It’s like your subconscious mind stomping into the room and saying, Nope! Not for her! And You will sabotage your ass. The same is true in your relationship. If you don’t believe that you can have both the relationship and the baby you desire, you won’t. If your thoughts and beliefs are set up so that you don’t believe your partner will still love you, if they find out that being a mom is a non negotiable for you, and you are willing to do everything in your fucking power to get there, then you will hide this critical fact from your partner, and it will create misery for you both.

It’s self fulfilling prophecy. This is how you can create the very thing you fear. If you take nothing else from this episode, get one thing clear, my love, you cannot outperform your self image, which includes your thoughts and beliefs about you and what you can have in this life. I don’t care how educated, wealthy, or accomplished you are.

We all have an Achilles heel on this journey and you are well advised to find it and train your mind to unfuck it. This is why having your mind on board is so critical on this journey. And it’s why you hear so many women catapult themselves to success after they get this mindset shit, right? Doubt this.

Relisten to the preceding 84 episodes, baby. So now here’s an exercise to take what I’ve taught you today to the next level. You want to ask yourself. Are the two of you on the same page? So step one is take a deep breath and ask yourself that exact question. My love are you and your partner, if you are partnered on the same page, just ask the question and notice what happens in your body.

When you do, if you hear some fast talking salesmen, try to distract you from your truth about your relationship. You know, you got some work to do, listen out for the saboteur saying, no, no, no, there’s nothing to see here. Just keep moving along. And you’re going to feel that inner conflict. You’re going to feel that weird pit in your stomach and then a cascade of, well, what if I have to start all over again, that, that, that, that, that, that is when you know your saboteurs are at work.

So just ask the question and notice what happens in your body. And notice, if you immediately feel fear about being abandoned, having to start all over, as I said, or other gross feeling shit that your saboteurs will send your way. They’re sneaky mofos. And now, if you are an SMBC single mom by choice, ask yourself this question from the standpoint of your relationship with yourself.

Are the two of you on the same page? Are you and yourself on the same page? Is there anything you have internal conflict on with regard to pursuing motherhood on your own? Okay? You arguably, for everybody, the relationship you have with yourself is going to be so important. It’s the one relationship you can’t run away from because you’re together 24 hours a day.

So the second step is decide you are going to do something about this relationship. Take some fucking action. You know, depending on what you felt, I mean, even if it’s a teeny tiny little thing, you know, be willing to address it. I’m not saying that your relationship has to be a train wreck before you do anything.

It’s a hell of a lot easier to do prevention than to try to cure something. All right. So focus on noticing how you feel when it comes to if the two of you are on the same page. Then decide you’re going to do something about it. All right. Now the third thing is set the timer in your calendar to buy my book on launch day, October 15th.

Are we the reason I’m not getting pregnant? The fearlessly fertile method for clearing the blocks between your relationship and your baby. And then finally text the link to this podcast episode to someone who you think could benefit from it. Screenshot this episode and put it in your Facebook or Insta story tagging me.

Now, my loves, what if you could honestly look at your life and journey and say with integrity that you have your ducks in a row? What if you knew in your soul that you were no longer holding back, letting fear, lack or scarcity block you from the success that you want? What if you could say with confidence, you were showing up to this journey, 100 percent mind and body love.

Think about it. Where could you be this time next year? If you knew you were truly covering your bases, my fearlessly fertile method program is for women who intend to get pregnant in the next 12 months and say, hell yes, to covering their bases, mind and body. So you don’t have to look back on this chapter in your life with regret.

I work with women who are committed to success. To apply for your interview for this program, go to my website, www.FromMaybeToBaby.com and apply for an interview there. My methodologies help women around the world make their mom dreams come true. Their results speak for themselves. If you don’t have a mindset for success on this journey, baby, you got a gaping hole in your strategy.

Let’s fix that shit and set you up for success. Till next time, change your mindset, change your results. Love this episode of the Fearlessly Fertile Podcast? Subscribe now and leave an awesome review. Remember, the desire in your heart to be a mom is there because it was meant for you. When it comes to your dreams, keep saying hell yes.

Rosanne offers a variety of programs to help you on your fertility journey — from Self-study, to Live, to Private Coaching.