Infertility and Holidays: Calling Upon the “Real” You
When you are on the fertility or adoption journey, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the internal cast of characters that come along for the ride. There’s “Happy You,” “Hopeful You,” “Terrified You,” “Confused You,” Sick of Disappointment You,” and “I’m Not So Sure I’m Up For Much More of this BS You,” to name a few. More often than not though, for the sake of others and seemingly ourselves, we rely on “Put On A Happy Face You,” just to get through a moment, or particular situation. While there is NO shame in doing this, my money is on the fact that this has not only gotten old, it ends up feeling pretty freakin’ gross.
Don’t get me wrong, “Put On A Happy Face You,” can serve a purpose, particularly when it comes to infertility and holidays, but you have to ask yourself, “what’s the real cost of faking it?”
- Are you accepting invitations that you could seriously do without?
- Are you not getting the support your heart is craving?
- Are you ignoring your own valid and worthy needs?
- Are you letting other people walk all over you?
- Are you starting to buckle under the burden of pretending everything is “perfect?”
- Are you just sick and tired of not being real real?
If you answered even a tiny, whispered “yes,” to any of these, it’s time to let the real you come out to play! Here are some ideas for the “How” part of all this:
1) Start Small: Letting the real you out to stretch her legs means taking a small step in the direction listening to that small voice inside of you that knows exactly what’s right for you. Take that restorative nap! Linger a few extra minutes over your tea. Let that call go to voicemail. Maybe you’ll want to be even more bold and admit you are too tired to go to yet another boring-ass office party. Honor what you are feeling and opt out! There will be other parties. Your hosts will survive. Play with this a bit. Find what works for you.
2) Be Forgiving: As a recovering “people pleaser,” I know that stepping into the sunlight of authenticity is scary, tough, and a lifelong practice. Give yourself room to stumble a bit here. Don’t beat yourself up if you happen to slip up! Just give yourself a chance to get up, dust yourself off, and swing the bat another day. Perfection is an illusion!
3) Celebrate Your Victories: Be generous! Give yourself a high-five when you’ve had the grit to be authentically you in even the smallest way. Spoil yourself..it can be a great motivator. Celebrate and keep moving forward.
Try-on the idea of being your authentic self this holiday season.
Give yourself the opportunity to “show up and be seen.”
With Love + Respect,
© 2014 Rosanne Austin