Infertility Support: Exploring Forgiveness On The Journey
On the journey toward building our families through fertility treatment or adoption, it is far too easy to get caught up in a hurtful cycle of judgment. Judgment of ourselves, our partners, and even our circumstances. When working toward something we care about, we tend to be hard on ourselves, but there is something about this journey that can leave us in a state of panic and yields feelings of desperation. We can beat ourselves up ruthlessly and get buried in unreasonable expectations of perfection.
We often tend to get tunnel vision about our sense of self worth. Instead of considering ourselves in a holistic sense, our equation for success gets dangerously simplistic. Baby = success, no baby = failure.
Indeed, while creating the families that we long for is the ultimate goal, letting our self esteem rise and fall with the roller coaster of emotions and events on this journey is a destructive habit. When things don’t go exactly as we want them to, we quietly (or sometimes not so quietly) start playing a nasty round of the blame game.
This week, I encourage you to explore the concept of forgiveness in the context of this journey. One of the best means of giving ourselves infertility support or the support we need when moving through the adoption process is forgiveness. Get over the notion of being perfect as you move through an imperfect process. Forgive yourself, your partner, and your circumstances.
While I explain the strategies more fully in the video, here is the shorthand version of where to get started on the road to forgiveness:
1) Take A Moment To Acknowledge All That You Have Done In the Pursuit of Your Family. Chances are, you have vastly under estimated the sacrifices you have made. They are worthy of respect.
2) If You Have Made Mistakes Along The Way, Remember, You Are Human. Certainly keep an eye toward improvement and alignment of your actions with having the best possible outcome, but remember no matter what you do, there are no guarantees.
3) Be Grateful. Remind yourself that every treatment you have, every presentation to a birthmother, and every step you take to get closer to having your baby (successful or not) is a gift. While things may not go exactly as we want them to, the fact that you even have something to “critique” means that you’ve had a chance to swing the bat. Not everyone gets that chance.
Give yourself a break and give this a shot.
Join In The Conversation. Leave A Comment!
How Are You Showing Yourself Forgiveness On This Journey?
Do you have any advice to share?
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With Love + Respect,
© 2014 Rosanne Austin, From Maybe To Baby