Bullied by Infertility?
The avalanche of insecurity that comes as a stinking "free gift with purchase" during fertility treatment can rock the self esteem of even the most grounded and confident amongst us. Think about it. Even before you stepped into your doctor's office for the first time, you have endured repeated kicks to the shin from your inner bully for months, or even years. You know exactly the evil bitch I'm talking about. The one who sneers as she chides you with, "tsk, tsk...this is what you get for waiting so long to have kids, " taunts you with, "your partner is going to leave for your a real woman who can have babies in a snap," or the worst of the worst, "your dreams of having a family will NEVER come true!"
Now add to that the messages you may be getting from your doctor:
- "You have a 30% chance at this."
- "You have a 15% chance of that."
- "Most women have X number of follicles and you have Y."
- "Your body didn't respond as well as we had hoped."
- "Your egg quality is compromised."
- "Your uterus is not ideal.
No matter how true, well intentioned, and artfully delivered the clinical information may be, filtered through your already bully battered self esteem, it sounds a heck of a lot like, "you suck." This gets even worse with every near miss or disappointment along the way.
The question becomes, how the hell can I pick myself up and stop circling the drain?
The 30 Second Solution
I am not going to lie to you. This isn't going to be easy. It's going to take practice. But, it's simple and it works. The results are entirely up to you, so get off your lovely ass and give it a shot.
Stop Focusing on What's Happening Right Now.
Focus on What You WANT To Have Happen.
I have no idea who said this first, but they were absolutely right. When you have a front row seat during the parade of disappointments and set backs that so regularly march through our lives on the road to building the family we long for, this is exactly the kind of mindset reset you need at your fingertips. You can flip the switch in all of 30 seconds!
Here's how it works:
- Find Yourself in a Crappy Situation (This is the worst part, but it's sadly easy)
- Acknowledge That It's Happening/Happened (No denial allowed)
- Shout STOP(Either in your head or out loud--I prefer out VERY loud) and stop focusing on the crappy situation
- Start Focusing on What You Want to Have Happen (This is the work)
The point is that once something has happened, nothing can change the fact that it happened. Will any amount of negativity or beating yourself up miraculously change your negative pregnancy test? No! Can you maybe try a different protocol, or make other adjustments to medications or your lifestyle to improve your chances for next time, YES! Focus on your positive next steps toward what you want to happen.
Even when you think you have run out of treatment options, refocus. Open your mind to options you hadn't considered. Stay focused on moving forward, whatever that may be for you.
At first it will seem impossible to get your mind off your pain and disappointment. Make the effort. It may take physically engaging in some other activity, like actively making a list of next steps or other options. Go for a jog. Do some yoga. Pick up the phone and call someone you love--ask them to help you refocus. When negativity starts to creep back into your thoughts, slam the door in it's face! Invest the 30 seconds. Give yourself permission to turn on a dime! With practice, it will get easier, I promise.
Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself!
Negativity is as addictive as it is viral. It will break your heart and slay your soul. You know as well as I do that the only thing you truly have control over is you. Make a commitment to stop soaking in the cesspool of negativity that has threatened to make your fertility journey miserable. Hose yourself off and refocus.
Tell Me 1 Negative Thought You Have Bullied Yourself With In The Comments Below!
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With Love and Respect,
© 2014 From Maybe To Baby