Well love, this week is the official kick off of the holiday season here in the States with Thanksgiving.
Whether you celebrate it or not, this time of year is when things can start to get pretty darn hairy on this journey:
- The annoying or insensitive questions...
- The pressure...
- The obligation...
- and yes, the reminders that seem to be absolutely f-ing everywhere that the little one you've been trying to wave home isn't here yet.
I will never forget sitting in my office, when I was a prosecutor, with my door shut trying to drown out the irritatingly happy squeals coming from the conference room across the hall, as my colleagues with kids enjoyed a visit from Santa.
I was gripped with jealousy, anger, frustration, and on top of all that mess, I felt guilty about feeling that way.
I wished the floor would just open up and swallow me whole.
I love you enough to want something better for you.
Here are 3 things to keep in mind that might save your ass this holiday season:
1) Other people's joy is irrefutable evidence that yours is on the way. I get that it may not feel like it right now. You might even accuse me of slinging Pollyanna bullshit, but it's true. If I had been smarter about my journey I would have realized that sooner. But, I wasn't. This mindset shift may seem hard at first or pointless, but that's just your old thinking getting in the way. It will keep getting in your way if you let it. Seriously, if you just soaked in all the joy and all of those little smiles, allowing yourself to believe YOU TOO would experience that, how different would your holiday be? If there is joy to be had, soak it up as evidence of what's possible and assurance of what's on its way.
2) What other people think doesn't f*cking matter. As an accomplished professional, I didn't think I cared much about what other people thought. That may have been true when it came to my professional swagger, but on this journey, I was an insecure, jittery wreck. I let other people's notions about my age, my decisions, my path to motherhood, and what would "work" for me create unnecessary drama in my life. If you are doing that, STOP. I knew in my soul I would be a Mama. SO DO YOU. Turn the volume up on that voice. Quit handing your power to other people. Trust your truth.
3) No is a complete sentence. If you aren't up for doing something this holiday season, don't. It doesn't matter if it's a "tradition." It doesn't matter if someone claims their feelings will be hurt. You aren't responsible for other people's feelings. I respectfully invite you to consider the idea that your first responsibility is to YOURSELF. Giving to yourself first ensures you can give abundantly and without contempt to others. You don't owe anyone any lengthy explanations or excuses. Honor your boundaries! Don't make this another year where you spend hours wishing you just stayed home binge watching Stranger Things on Netflix! People will get over it. If "No" is too harsh for you, try something more elaborate, like, "No Thanks."
My ladies confidently shimmy into the holiday season.
They know their joy is just as important as anyone else's and they take a stand for it, because living joyfully NOW is the light that guides their babies home.
Decide you will be one of them.
Change your mindset, change your results.
Intrigued? Here's an exercise to take this to the next level...
Get clear on how you choose to live the holidays NOW.
What are you really up for love?
What are your non-negotiables?
Make the decision that you are going to honor your instincts here and not let guilt and obligation suck the life out of you for yet another year.
Notice how open, excited, and goooooooood you feel! It might be a little uncomfortable at first, but the payoff can be delightful...if you allow it to be!
Stretch yourself! It's about progress, not perfection!