I know that reading the word "grief" may make you cringe.
You might have an overwhelming desire to not read any further into this email.
But, it is with a knowing heart that I invite you to keep reading.
...It just might shift the way you approach the subject.
The recent, unexpected loss of someone I loved with all of my heart and soul, reacquainted me with a level of grief that I have not felt since the depths of my darkest despair on my fertility journey.
Ruthless, inconvenient, paralyzing, confusing, and grindingly brutal in it's propensity for sneak attacks, grief is intensely personal.
It is one of the reasons why no matter how kind someone's words are, the comfort they offer is fleeting at best.
Our grief is something we alone own.
We tend to try and downplay, minimize, and brave-face it until we are at a breaking point.
So, what the hell do we do with it?
I reached out to a mentor of mine last week with that exact question.
Stepping out of the BS story that "I should have all the answers" OR that "I should be able to do this on my own" led me to receive the best advice I have ever received about grief.
This is exactly what she said:
"Go into it and let it do it's magic."
As an experienced coach myself, I knew she was right, but I'm human and my first impulse was to run as far away from it as I could!
Who the hell wants to go into grief?
Most people get uncomfortable with the subject and try to step away from it like a hot turd.
They tell you, "It's ok. Everything is going to be alright," then scurry away.
But the whole truth is that in order to get to the nirvana of "alright," you've got to work through...the G-word.
My mentor loved me enough to tell me the truth, and for you I am doing the same.
I know that it may be hard to imagine that there is magic in grief.
But I assure you there is...if you are willing to see it.
I took her advice and I allowed myself to go into grief and feel it fully.
It hurt like a mofo...
And, in allowing myself to feel it, I also began to feel a twinge of the magic.
For me, the magic is called peace.
This served as a powerful reminder that resisting, fighting, ignoring, and denying, will keep you stuck, bitter, and forever at the mercy of your grief.
Life is too short for that.
Feel what you need to feel.
Own your truth about it.
Be smart about it.
Stop judging it.
Get curious about what it means to you.
Learn what you need to learn from it.
Make a decision about how you will let it impact your life.
Just don't run from it.
With grief there are no easy answers, but you can start by asking the right questions.
Is it time for you to stand still?
Want my help? I'm here.
Lots of love,
Intrigued? Here's an exercise to take this to the next level...
Here's a journal prompt that may help you consider the topic of grief.
"What I choose to learn from my grief is..."
Write and write, and keep writing.
See what's true for you about the grief that has shown up in your life.
What magic have you found?
Have you found your peace?
Are you running from it?
What support do you desire?
Stretch yourself. Remember, it's about progress, NOT perfection.