My love, when you started your fertility journey, I bet the conversations with your BFFs were sooooooo different right?
“When are you guys having kids,” wasn’t an annoying question.
Back then you could answer with a legitimately light-hearted,”we’re working on it.”
You may have even been able to receive their pregnancy announcements and baby shower invitations and say, “Awwww, isn’t that cute,” without scathing internal sarcasm or secretly falling into a complicated pool of jealousy and shame.
You probably didn’t even know what “bump-envy” was!
Ahhhh, the salad days.
When you start to struggle on this journey, there can be profound, yet sneaky-subtle shifts that leave you feeling adrift from the warm sisterhood you once relied on.
Your friends haven’t changed.
While there have been massive strides in taking the hush-hushedness out of the subject of fertility, it remains one that is inherently and intensely intimate.
It messes with what we believe about our femininity, self-worth, sexiness, life-purpose, chances at happiness, partnerships, and overall sense belonging.
Pretty complex shit, right?
It gets even more interesting if you are a go-getter, “Type A,” professional, with a tendency toward perfectionism!
This is one reason why even if you aren’t totally ashamed of this part of your life, you’ll kinda keep it close to your vest.
That being said…
If you think your friends don’t “get it,” you are probably right.
Unless they have walked a mile on this journey, they won’t.
Indeed they may have experienced struggle and loss, but it’s not the same.
That doesn’t mean they are bad people–they just don’t get it…that’s all.
So what does a smart woman on this journey do?
Quit expecting them to.
Do yourself and the friends you love a favor and let them off the hook.
If you have decided to keep your journey to yourself, that’s your prerogative–own that, AND just nod and smile when they say things that piss you off–if you haven’t told them anything, what they say can’t possibly be intentional…how would they know?
If you have shared your journey and they say insensitive things anyway, it might be time to spend more quality time elsewhere.
You know what’s even better? The delicious freedom of an open, honest, super-calafragalistic-
I know an amazing one…
In the end, the only person that really has to “get it,” is you.
Lots of love,
Intrigued? Here’s an exercise to take this to the next level…
Is it time that you got some clarity about how to approach your friendships on this journey?
There are no right or wrong answers here. There’s just your answer.
Wise women love themselves and their friendships enough to ask this question.
Depending on your situation, it may be time to dig deeper into your friendships, or maybe it might be time to lean back a bit.
You’ve got to trust your gut here.
If you have chosen your friends wisely, they will love you either way and make space for your needs.
Remember, quit expecting them to get it. “Getting it” is not a prerequisite to loving you.
Most importantly, love yourself enough to honor your truth about these relationships and what you desire from them.
One of the best ways to get clarity about this is to journal, or even better, make this part of some intensive work with your coach.
Clarity about this subject can help you surround yourself with the right people, who will contribute to the wellbeing that is so critical for you right now.
Stretch yourself. Remember, it’s about progress, NOT perfection.
Want extra accountability? Comment on this post and tell me how it’s going.