Who's Scared Of A Little Old Finish Line?
When we start out on the fertility journey, so many of us have take it for granted that come hell or high water, we are not stopping until we have a baby in our arms. We resolve to make our stubborn sperm, overworked ovaries, and underperforming uteri comply. We tell ourselves that we don't care what we have to do--IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN. While never say die optimism and perseverance have their merits, meandering down the path to parenthood via fertility treatment without finish line in sight is for fools.
I get it. We superstitiously avoid talking about a treatment endgame as if doing so somehow makes us pessimistic quitters, or will piss off the fickle baby dust fairies that (we fear) mercilessly control our fate. Nonsense. Silence on the subject of your finish line will almost certainly guarantee squandered resources, wasted time, missed opportunities, unnecessary heartbreak, and strained relationships. Think I'm a fear mongering nut? A few unsuccessful rounds with ART (assisted reproductive therapy) will change your tune with a quickness and have you scouring the internet for this blog post.
Get On The Same Page With Your Partner. Avoid Financial Foolishness. Be Free Of Unreasonable Expectations.
Finding Your Finish Line
It doesn't matter who you are, your finish line will likely be dictated in some way by money, time, or emotional bandwidth. When considering each, be honest. Rest assured, having a finish line isn't just about knowing when to call it quits. It's about effectively allocating your resources.
We'd all like to think we could spend an infinite amount of money in order to make our baby dreams come true, but for most people that simply isn't the case. The idea of spending time getting familiar with your financial landscape may sound about as thrilling as reading the tax code, but there won't be anything more concrete or effective in determining your fertility treatment bottom line. For an indispensable, comprehensive, and entertaining discussion on the topic of bankrolling treatment, click here.
If your finish line will be dictated primarily by limited financial resources, you need to have laser focus, choosing your treatments carefully. Why waste your hard earned Benjamins playing Marco Polo with your fertility?
I can't shout loud enough how game changing it is to consider reserving some of your funds for alternative routes to your baby, like adoption, surrogacy, donor eggs, donor sperm, or embryo adoption. How free would you feel knowing you have the financial ability to turn on a dime, when exciting alternative routes to your baby present themselves?
If you are starting treatment when you are 40, it's common knowledge that your options will be different than those of someone in their late 20s. It's biology. No need to beat yourself up, just be realistic! This may translate into directing your resources into more aggressive treatments from the start and considering your alternatives much sooner than your sisters to your chronological south. Let this reality keep you agile and happily focused on your next steps. Fertility treatment limbo should just be a stop on your journey, not the destination.
3) Emotional Bandwidth
There is no shame in admitting that you just can't take the heartbreak of another failed treatment. It doesn't matter that some poor soul you met in an online infertility support board has been through 6 rounds of IVF and they still manage to crack a joke. What's good for them could be disastrous to you and your relationship. Reduce the stress on yourself and your partner by communicating openly about your hopes, fears, and emotional limits. Once you establish those limits, honor them.
A Fertility Finish Line Isn't Failure, It's Freedom!
What if you didn't have to guess about how far you down the treatment path you and your partner are going, you didn't have to fear financial ruin, and could keep unnecessary heartache to a minimum? What if you could be certain that you can look back on your fertility journey and be satisfied knowing that you did everything within your means? FREEDOM BABY!
- Freedom from the fear of not having the support of your partner
- Freedom from financial tomfoolery
- Freedom from the confines of unreasonable expectations
- Freedom that comes from taking control of your fertility journey!
It doesn't matter where you put your fertility finish line, 4 IVFs, $50,000, or 3 years. Give yourself permission to say "I'm done." Chances are you have never worked harder nor tortured yourself more in the name of achieving a dream. You'd be crazy to consider any part of that failure. When you decide on a finish line, make adjustments if you need to, but it shouldn't be a moving target, otherwise, what's the point? Talk to your partner. Create your own path to freedom.
Where Is Your Infertility Finish Line?
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With Love and Respect,
©2014 From Maybe To Baby