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This post was authored by Rosanne on Rosanne Austin.
When we are faced with the unthinkable, we will either let it destroy our lives irreparably, or we will make the conscious decision to pivot. Learn how Amisha found her way to motherhood again, after the loss of her daughter at 21 weeks…and called in another precious miracle. If you want to believe in miracles […]
The post EP156: From Devastating Loss To A Miracle: Amisha’s Story appeared first on Rosanne Austin.
Transcript:
Hey Gorgeous, if you want success on your fertility journey, you’ve got to have the mindset for it. It’s time to kick fear, negativity, doubt, shame, jealousy, and the whole clown car of low vibe fertility journey BS to the curb. I’m your host, Roseanne Austin, fertility mindset master, former prosecutor and recovering type A control freak perfectionist.
I use the power of mindset to get pregnant naturally and have my baby boy at 43. Despite years of fertility treatment failure, I help women across the globe beat the odds on their fertility journey. Just like I did get ready for a quick hit of confidence, joy, feminine, badassery, and loads of hell. Yes.
For your fertility journey. It’s time to get fearless, baby, fearlessly fertile. Let’s do this. Welcome to the Fearlessly Fertile Podcast, episode 156, From Devastating Loss to a Miracle, Amisha’s Story. Hey loves, I am absolutely delighted to be here with you this week, as I have the good fortune and honor of sharing one of the most compelling stories of triumph that I have ever had the honor of sharing with you.
And I gotta tell ya, I I know that you hear me brag on my ladies all the time, and, and, and that’s not, uh, bravado, and that’s actually not hubris. It is truly a gift to be able to do this work and to be alongside women who overcome insane odds, devastating losses. and insane statistics so that they too can have the blessing of being called mom.
We all have pivot points in our lives and we’re basically given a choice when, when something insane, crazy, heartbreaking happens in our lives, we have a choice. We can either use that experience to propel us forward, or we can use it to keep ourselves stuck and small. And one of the gorgeous gifts that Amisha is giving us all, who are sharing in her story today, is proof that you can keep putting one foot in front of the other when you choose.
To use even moments of devastation to propel you forward. So, I hope that as you’re listening and sharing in this kind and generous woman’s story, that you will be inspired to truly dig into the belief. To reinforce the belief and fully embrace the belief. The desire in your heart to be a mom is there because it was meant for you.
And no matter what twists and turns may show up on your journey, they are all there to lift you up, to open your awareness, and to get you closer to the dream. So, it is with so much gratitude, appreciation for the generosity, And with so much love that I am sharing my conversation with my beloved and brave Ameesha.
Why don’t you just start us off by telling us a little bit about how you found yourself on this journey? Okay, so my name’s Ameesha. I am 35 currently. I, um, kind of, I met my husband when I was 21. We got married when I was 25. I Wanted to still study further. So I did my master’s degree and, and at the age of 29, I thought, right, this is a good time.
Now I start a family, um, my husband and I both love children. So after trying for a few months, I got pregnant, which was a miracle in itself. So. Uh, everything was going perfectly well in my pregnancy with my, uh, with my daughter up until we had our 21 week scan, that’s our detailed scan, and um, the doctors then told us that my daughter had a very rare heart condition.
The survival rates were pretty slim. We had tested, we, we got tested ourselves to make sure that it wasn’t one of us who was the carrier of this rare genetic condition and we were both perfectly fine. There’s nothing wrong with me or my husband at the time. Well, this still isn’t, but we just couldn’t understand how this has actually happened to us.
The doctors had, I mean, we went to see various specialists to see if we could find a solution, but majority of us, well, all of them had basically said it was too late, unfortunately, and that her survival rate was not great. They gave us about a month and I’m still pregnant with her. It was like I said, 20, uh, 21 and a half weeks at the time.
And She sadly passed away three and a half weeks later and um, we, I wasn’t allowed to have a cesarean because of the condition that she had and The medication that I was on, so I gave, and I, you know, I naturally gave birth to her, and then we planned her funeral. We didn’t, we didn’t get a chance to bring her home, which was by, obviously, the most traumatic thing anyway for us.
But we planned her funeral, and three weeks later we had a funeral for her. And then, as you can imagine, the whole Aftermath of that was just horrific. We went from being so happy that we got pregnant to everything was perfectly fine up until 21 and a half weeks, you know, and then just in, in a moment, everything just shattered our dreams.
After that, we, I was very depressed, quite suicidal at certain points. I had stopped working. Um, I’m a school teacher, so going back to children was really hard in itself anyway. So I just stopped working for a little while. And when I decided to go back, I went back part time. But then I’d spent about 18 months just not even thinking ever about having children ever again.
Because that was just a horrific experience. Um, and that went, this for, you know, was very similar for my husband. Though I think, after about a year, he was thinking about, you know, he loves children just as much as I do. About maybe having a look and, you know, finding maybe another avenue, if I wasn’t ready to have another biological child of our own.
But within that 18 month period, it became really difficult to live in the house that we were living in. Because there was just so many memories. Um, we had obviously done our daughter’s nursery. And it was just beautiful, you know, we just I remember my parents actually coming and taking that all down.
And my parents storing away some of the stuff. And then just donating the rest of it to charity. Because I just couldn’t bear some of it. I kept certain things, but I have to admit I locked it away. Because it was just so traumatic to look at. We moved within that 18 month period to the other end of the city.
For and started to try and build our life up again. Now, in that time, I had joined a, uh, a mother’s bereavement group. Because I just needed professional help. I needed to speak to women and men, you know, anyone really who had been through what I’d been through and helped me to become, I guess, myself again, or be normal again, wherever normal is nowadays after being, you know, going through all of that.
So I went to the support group. I met some amazing, truly amazing people who have helped me so much and they continue to still do. And we, I, I went and did that for about, oh, just over a year, I would say about 14, 15 months. And then when I saw all the other ladies in the group, all of them having their rainbow babies and talking about their stories of, you know, how they had lost, but then they have their babies.
You know, they have their rainbows and that it is something that I could achieve as well. However, when I, when my husband and I decided that we would try to have another biological child, I just struggled to get pregnant. I was like, oh, why is this not working? Like, what is wrong with me now? By this point, it was almost three years after my daughter had passed away.
And it was like a whole year was gone, nothing. You know, it got, it was frustrating because when I was trying to have a baby with my, you know, with my daughter, you know, a couple of months and I was pregnant. And now it was like, why is nothing working? So I was really angry in myself, really angry in myself.
with my body, like, what is wrong with you? Snap out of it. You should be doing something better. It just became really, really difficult. And that’s where my whole infertility journey kind of starts, really. We had gone and seen a doctor just to see that if You know, my husband was okay. I was okay. They said, yep, you’re perfectly normal.
You know, everything is how it should be. But they did give me some medication to start off with, to just kind of help with my incisors, kind of, you know, get my follicles to the right size and that sort of stuff. Funnily enough, I had an allergic reaction to that medication. Um, that was one of the symptoms and it was very, very rare for anyone to have an allergic reaction to that medication, but unfortunately I did.
So my first round of that and I, well, I had to stop it because I was just covered in red blotches all over my face and my body. So I just kind of scrapped that. The doctor’s like, well, you can’t have that. And the other sets of medication, which are stronger, and the side effects for them were even worse than the ones I had.
So I thought, great, now what is my option? That’s where you come in. Because I thought to myself, this is not working. There has to be something, and I remember having a conversation with my husband prior to me reading your books, you know, I just don’t know if this is ever going to happen for us, all of our friends, you look at, you know, at people around you and they just say, you know, it’ll happen, it’ll happen, it’ll happen, and I admit at some point I just thought to myself, just go away, leave us alone.
Shut up. I don’t even want to hear it, you know, that you don’t know that journey of loss and then now this journey of trying to have another baby when it’s so easy for other people, but it’s a, you know, almost a pain in the backside for you, for me, pardon my French, but it is, you forget who you’re talking to a Misha.
Oh, I know. I listen and I watch your Sunday intentions. I know perfectly. So I thought it’s okay to use a little bit of naughty words. It was just really irritating and I was really angry at myself because I felt like I had let my daughter down, you know, I had, there was something wrong with me, even though I knew from all the medical tests that there wasn’t, wasn’t anything wrong with me.
There was just that silly voice in my head saying, yes, there’s something wrong with you. That’s why you’re not getting pregnant because my husband was perfectly fine. You know, there’s nothing wrong with him. That’s where, like I said, your books come in. And I remember just going through a Facebook feed about infertility and then your name popped up in that.
And I watched your, uh, you know, I listened to a couple of your podcasts and thought to myself, okay, I need to somehow get in touch with this woman or do something because you worked on, you know, mindset and that’s what I needed to work on myself. So I remembered that by this time it’s like in the middle of 2020 and I couldn’t get a hold of your book as in like a hard copy of your book because I love to read.
But I could get a Kindle version. So I told my husband that night, I said, you need to buy me a Kindle. So I got myself a Kindle. Amazon Prime did the job. So I got myself a Kindle and I, I, I read your first book and did all the, you know, the little activities that you’d said on there. You know, I really, I worked on my bump squad.
So I think that’s the bit that I really needed to work on. And it was amazing how many people were actually on there when I wrote it. It was like three people, including my, just including my husband. You know, who, who were in there and I thought the rest of them just need to go. Seriously, the rest of them just need to go.
And they did and I worked, you know, it was a, it was a slow process. I worked on, by reading that book, I read your book twice, the first one twice. I read the second, I’m reading the second one for the third time, believe it or not. And I worked on those. I listened to your Sunday intentions. And, you know, I worked through that on that weekly basis.
I started looking after myself, because I think that’s one of your key messages through, you know, everything, you know, within your book, books, both of them, and, you know, through your Sunday Intention, even when I listen to the podcast for the other ladies, you know, that’s one thing that they all say, that it was looking after yourself and being kind to yourself.
And that’s what I started to do. I took up reflexology, which really helped me relax. I took up fertility reflexology, which helped me. I did acupuncture a couple of times a month. And more importantly, I just ate what I wanted. And I didn’t think about no silly diets or any sort of silly anything else, really.
I ate what I wanted. I bought lots of new clothes and I dressed well. I know. It’s just simple things that I’ve just stopped doing, and I genuinely, I stopped looking after myself and my well being, and that’s the reason why my mindset was, it was a mess, you know, and I wrote down those hard questions that you wrote about in your second book.
And I worked through them with my husband because we’d almost stopped communicating. And that wasn’t because I didn’t love him or he didn’t love me. It was just grief. And that’s what grief does sometimes, you know. It stops you from talking to the person that you love the most. And we were in such a better place together as, you know, a couple, we worked on ourselves individually first, and then we came back and we were, you know, invincible as a couple.
And that was the, the, that was almost like the cherry on the cake, as they say. And. We had, we were still seeing a different doctor at this point and we went and got a little bit more help. I went to see, um, this other doctor and he suggested taking another form of medication. I was very skeptical at first.
I’m thinking, oh, the first set I’ve had, you know, about six, seven months ago was just covered me in blotches. I don’t really know if I want to do this. And, you know, the nurses at the time had almost like reassured me that yes, there are side effects. Yes, there will be things that will be, you know, playing around in your body, but on the whole, this might help.
And it is, it was ultimately our decision what we wanted to do. My husband was very much for it. I was still a little bit on the edge. I have to admit, however, about three weeks later, I thought, you know, well, what have I got to lose? Let’s just go for it. And so I did. And I think at that point, I was in a much better place with my mindset in the sense of, I wasn’t hard on myself anymore.
I just thought to myself, whatever will come, it will come. My baby is coming. I know that my daughter, I know, is sending down her little brother or sister to us. And I just had to continually believe that. And honestly, that is what got me through everything. That my little girl, who is my guardian angel, is watching over us and wants us to be happy.
And he or she is coming and all of those visualizations, you know, it was just, uh, in, in, within that moment, like I look at the, you know, when I was driving to work, I look at in the back seat and I could see a car seat. I could see a baby in that car seat. You know, it was just the little things. I was excited to look at baby stuff again, and I used to dread it before.
You know, I bought myself a pregnancy journal and I was nowhere near being pregnant, just so I could start writing things in there. And that was two months prior to me actually finding out when I was pregnant with my son. It was crazy. All of that and all of the things that you would say to on, um, you know, your Sunday intentions about, you know, just believing in yourself, you know, having that faith again as well.
You know, in God, I was a very, I wouldn’t say religious to an extent, but I believed in God and I believed in the universe, you know, doing good. And after losing my daughter, I completely lost that because I thought, why me? Why me? I, I consider myself to be a pretty good person. You know, I help others. I do the best I can.
And, but why me? With the medication, I went into the clinic. I remember going on my own. Of Covid Covid and the restrictions where your partners weren’t allowed to come in. I was very nervous and scared, but I went with the intention that it’s fine. God is with me. I’m sending good vibes. Good vibes are coming back, you know?
And I went in there and they checked me over and they said, everything looks amazing. So this is your opportunity to get yourself pregnant and hold behold, three weeks later. On January the 6th of 2021, I was pregnant with my little boy and that in itself was just a miracle. I remember going to work in the morning, again, you know, as I said, I was a school teacher.
I went to work, I did, you know, taught my children and came home. I was feeling a little bit like, ooh. Not quite sure. What shall I do? Shall I test? Shall I not test? Because they advised that you should test after seven days. I thought, I can’t wait seven days. This was like day four. And I thought to myself, I had a feeling.
And I said to my husband, when I came home, I had a feeling. And I said, I’m pregnant. And he goes, how can you be that sure? I said, I’m telling you, I’m pregnant. And I peed on the stick, and it said I was between two to three weeks pregnant. And after that moment, I was really happy. We were both absolutely ecstatic.
However, we couldn’t tell anybody. It was just something in that moment just for us. And that was the beauty of it. I was pregnant, but my journey didn’t stop there. You know, we still had to make sure that we had our rainbow baby in our arms. Until we didn’t have him. in our arms. Any, we, you know, we weren’t, we were always on edge, but we were on edge in a, in a, in a good way, in the sense of we knew this baby was coming home.
We both thoroughly, wholeheartedly believed this little boy was coming home. And funnily enough, when I found out I was pregnant, I peed on the stick. I had this feeling that it was going to be a boy. I never said that to anybody. This is the first time I’ve ever made this to anybody. Really? Oh my goodness, you knew.
I did. It was crazy, but I did. Wow. I mean, Ameesha, what you’re sharing with us here, I mean, just, it is An absolutely extraordinary truth and such a testament to your strength as a woman. I mean, really, going from the loss of your daughter to this place is a miracle in and of itself, woman. Thank you. I mean, think like, I would love it if you, you know, what was the spark in you?
Because there had to have been something that turned in you to say, I refuse to be a victim. I refuse to allow this one incident to decide for me whether I am ever going to have a family. In something you said, you said you knew your daughter was going to send her brother or sister. There was something that shifted in you because you could have just stayed in a place of misery, but you didn’t.
What do you think that was? I think just believing that my daughter, even though I knew my daughter was with me spiritually every single day, I guess I believed it, but then didn’t believe it, if that makes sense. I have a memory box with all of her things in from the hospital, and it took me a really long time to look through that box, a couple of years actually, where I didn’t, I had the box from the hospital.
But I just didn’t open it and I think that’s what shifted for me because in that moment I thought, you know what, I’ve got that box in my cupboard, I’ve never opened it and I need to go and do it and I did it and I think that was my moment because I looked through all her stuff, her little tags, her blanket, her little toy that I got for her that they put in her, you know, in her little bed before they put it into the, they transferred it over into the box for us to take home and that was that moment.
Because I felt more of her presence after opening that box and smelling her little blanket. And that got me. It really did. I mean, it’s an incredible thing, Amisha, to make that shift and to open your heart. And clearly there was something that was awakened in you to be able to do the work. Because that’s another thing that I want to make sure that we emphasize here because There was something in you that said, I need to take a look at me.
And that is a level of character. That is a level of humility and personal sovereignty. That is not typical. Like, and, and I just sit here in awe. And mad respect to you because you didn’t take the easy route. You wanted more for yourself and you wanted more for your family to the point that you were willing to look at yourself and your role in this and make a decision that you wanted better.
And even more insane, and I say that in a good way, you got your husband involved. Oh, yes. Very much. I mean, say, tell us about that because, seriously, like, it takes a massive willingness, you know, and like I was saying, a level of humility to say, hey, what is my role in this? Because it’s real easy to blame everybody else.
It’s easy to blame God, it’s easy, you know, easy to blame yourself. But you just went and said, no, I want better. My husband has, is the most supportive man that I know. He’s the most patient man that I know, because good God, I must have given him so much grief in that time myself. Um, I have actually, I’m gonna admit that, I have.
But I think for him, he was, I wouldn’t say tired, but he was, he just didn’t know how to help me anymore. He, his thing was, I don’t know how I can help you now. I’ve tried everything, but I will do whatever it is that you want me to do to help you. And I remember him saying that to me and I, he goes, but first of all, you need to try and help you and then tell me how I can help you, you know, first do it for yourself and then tell me how I can help you.
And that was it. He just had to say that bit and that was like a ding, you know, a lightbulb moment for me that, good God, I need to do something for myself. What am I doing? And that’s, like I said, that’s where I, I found your book. I read your books. I, you know, several times I would, I’ve read your books and, um, you know, you looked at Sunday Intention, your podcast.
Religiously, I would cook my dinner. And I will listen to your podcast. Your husband wasn’t like, who is this American with this nasally accent shouting profanity at my wife? No, he, he loves your, he loves your pink hair. He absolutely thinks you’re cool. He loves it. But he was just willing to do anything to help me.
And you know, he always believed in himself that we were going to have another baby because our little girl was going to send Her brother or sister to us. And we are, we were going to be another, you know, we were going to be a family. And so that’s where his part comes in, in that, that how patient he was with me.
Wow. You know, what is it like Amisha? I mean, this is a, I think this is an important thing for us as women to really sit with, because as you’ve heard me say before, conceiving is all about receiving. And it’s about being willing to receive self care, being willing to receive love, forgiveness, all kinds of these things.
I mean, talk to us a little bit about how willing you are to receive now, because I have a feeling it’s quite developed. Oh yes, very much so. I We’ll take anything. I will take anything. I would take anything. And I think my whole attitude of Receiving because I genuinely felt I didn’t deserve it Mmm, I felt like I didn’t deserve it because of I felt like I’d done injustice to my daughter I don’t really know how or why I thought that way, but that’s just the way I thought I thought People like me don’t get a second chance But the minute I started gratitude, and you talk a lot about that, being thankful for what you already have, and I have a lot, I just never wrote it down, and the minute I started to write things down, and appreciate what I currently have, there was nothing but more, you know, that would come to me, and that, I was willing to just, Say to the universe, give me whatever you’ve got, because I will be so grateful, and I will never moan, and hence, I have my beautiful little boy.
Wow. I mean, that’s, you’re just the living embodiment of so many of these teachings, Amisha. That’s what, like, I just I’m blown away. I’m blown away at at how quickly a woman can go from the depths of despair, grief beyond comprehension to being able to speak in the way that you’re speaking and to have trusted herself, her daughter, her son, her husband.
God, everybody that her good would come to her. I mean, your story and this truth that you’re living is, is extraordinary. So for heaven’s sake, woman, what would you want the women listening to this to know? Like, if you were going to impart any of this hard won wisdom, like, that you’ve learned over the years and from your, your personal story, like, what would you want women to know most?
That you’re worthy. You can have the best of everything. You just have to believe that you, you’re worthy of it. And don’t ever lose focus on that. Because I think when you do, that’s when there’s that spiraling effect of, you know, things are not happening very well for you and, you know, you’re not in the best frame of mind.
But for myself, I am so inspired by the women who have helped me on my journey to try and get to this position, you know, yourself, your books, and I mean this is just a dream come true, I still can’t believe it. But just to tell other women that, you know, you are truly aware that you can have it all, like you say yourself, you know, you can have it all.
And why not? Why shouldn’t you? Yeah. And you’re like the best living proof of, I mean, people hear me cackling about this every fucking week, but it’s, it’s, I think it’s a hard concept, Aneesha. For people to wrap their heads around because we’re, we’re raised in such lack and scarcity and fear mongering that to have the audacity to believe like you did, like we just get into this idea that it’s not for me, but you’re living proof that hell yes it is.
I mean, this is just extraordinary. I love that you’re sharing this. And so how old’s your little boy now? He is four and a half months. Oh, my gosh. I mean, I just I love this story of triumph. And so, you know, thank you so much for being willing to share this. I mean, not only as a woman who came back from the depths of loss, but to a woman who was willing to get back into the ring and stay in until she had her victory.
I mean, just think about what you’re going to be able to teach your son. You know, I just, I look forward to every single moment with him. I am beyond grateful that I have him. This boy has saved my soul in so many ways you will never even know. And bought, honestly, true happiness. I mean, I was happy in the sense leading up to, you know, him being here.
But the fact that he is physically here and I get to hold him, I remember the moment because I had an emergency cesarean with him. And, um, yeah, that’s a whole story in itself as well. The little monkey did have his own little plans. of coming into the world, but I remember the moment when my husband had held him first and then popped him on my chest and I just felt a sigh of relief and in that moment I felt his heartbeat and I felt my daughter’s.
I thought, wow, I have both my babies here with me, you know, my family is truly complete. My beautiful baby girl, I have my husband who was holding my hand and my little boy on my chest. And I thought life doesn’t get any better than this. And I want everybody to know that, you know, you can have that. You just have to keep at your game and be willing to work, enjoy yourself along your journey because I stopped doing that.
The minute I started to enjoy myself and be grateful for what I currently have and what I will be having and that I am worthy of it, everything fell into place. Wow, Amisha. I just, when I think I mean, this is an extraordinarily humbling experience, and I’m telling you, my waterproof mascara is working overtime right now.
And so when I think of, I mean, I hope you never forget. I hope you never forget how powerful you are and, and what’s possible for you when you believe. And, you know, I’m just blown away by the kindness and generosity that you have to share this with us because the lives that you’re going to touch with this.
I mean, You know, I, I wrote a few books and I helped some ladies, but you’re the one that you did this in your own life. You took the lessons. You didn’t just read these books and do nothing with them. You brought them to life. So for that, bless you woman and bless your family. You know, it’s just, I can’t wait to see what you do because I think you’re living proof that there is no limit to what we can be and what we can call into our lives.
When we stand in belief and we say hell yes, so thank you for that, and thank you for sharing your story. Thank you, thank you for bringing that hope and that belief. That I can be a mom again because I’d lost that completely, but all of your hell years, which I absolutely love, you know, and that you’re worthy of these things has made me live that again and again and again that I am, you know, worthy of being a mom again.
Yes. Thank you for that. Oh, gosh, woman. You are so welcome. You know, I show my own gratitude for my own rainbow baby by showing, you know, what I say is showing the way. So thank you again for sharing that. And please go kiss that little boy’s toes for all of us. And we are all sending you so much love and just keep rocking on my love.
Keep rocking on. You’re making me so proud. And it’s just an honor to even to know you. So thank you for that. Loves, wasn’t Amisha’s story just incredibly moving and inspiring? I mean, it never ceases to amaze me, the, the extent of human resilience and what happens when we follow our hearts and continue to believe.
Believe that we can, believe that we’re worthy, and believe. That our desires are meant for us. So I hope you’re inspired today. And I hope that this brings any of you that are struggling or worried that your day will never come. I hope that Amisha’s story is going to help you pivot. Pivot out of the fear, pivot out of the negativity, and pivot out of the darkness.
Because you have a job to do, and that is to be a mom. And love, if you are ready to make that pivot and you want me to help you get there, my Fearlessly Fertile Method program is for women who intend to get pregnant in the next 12 months and say hell yes to covering their bases. Mind and body. So you don’t have to look back on this time in your life with regret.
I work with women just like Amisha, who are committed to success. To apply for your interview for this program, go to my website, www.FromMaybeToBaby.com and apply for an interview there. My methodology is to help women around the world make their mom dreams come true. Their results speak for themselves.
If you don’t have a mindset for success in this journey, baby, you got a gaping hole in your strategy. Let’s fix that shit and set you up for success. Till next time, change your mindset, change your results. Love this episode of the Fearlessly Fertile podcast? Subscribe now and leave an awesome review.
Remember, the desire in your heart to be a mom is there because it was meant for you. When it comes to your dreams, keep saying hell yes.